Senior Year is Here

Thank God!!! Finally, I am already a senior. I can’t believe how time flies so fast. I can still remember the memories that I have during my senior year in high school. The people and all the happenings are still quite fresh in my mind. It feels like yesterday and now it is my senior year again. But now it’s college.

It was almost four years ago when I was only a dreamer. I dream of making it to the University and be among the “cream of the crop” and share the prestige and the privilege with the others on bearing the name of University of the Philippines. I just can’t believe that that dream has come true. I was lucky to be among the “chosen ones” to think that I am not really the genius type back in high school. I was lucky that compared to my classmates who were “up there”, I was chosen to be a UPian and they are not. I was very proud of myself and I am proud that I have made my parents so happy.

But my first three years in college is not that easy. Problems have abounded ever since I started college, my family’s life is not so easy. We have faced financial problems that we have to sacrifice some of our needs and we have to make do of whatever we have. I can’t just buy stuff that I need immediately because I have to budget the allowance that my parents gave me for the whole week. Without the help of some of our relatives, maybe I could have stopped studying and just work so that my siblings could study. I am really proud of my parents for their perseverance and self-sacrifice so that me and my siblings will all continue to study. Sometimes, I do feel guilty that I cannot do anything to help my parents. All I could do is study hard and strive for my best.

I am excited but somewhat afraid on what may happen after this academic year. I will soon be graduating (hopefully!!!) and finally be facing the real world. I have to look for jobs in order to help my family and also for my personal gain.

Before I finish, I want to look back on the years that have been. I want to look on how far I have gone so far. I want to look on the things that I was able to accomplish. I want to look on the people that I have met along the way and the friends that I was able to have.

Invisible Me

Lately, I've been feeling that someone does not like my company. It is just a feeling though I still don't know if I am right with my hunch or I'm just getting paranoid. But this person does not even want my presence near him/her (I don't want to give a clue as to who this person is). He/she seems not to take notice of my mere presence around his/her vicinity. He/she would not even want to utter a simple "Hi!" and treated me as if I wasn't there. I have absolutely no idea as to what possible reason for him/her to treat me like this.

I've been flashing back on the past week. But I cannot remember a single thing or a single instance that I've done something wrong to him/her. I'm just hating this feeling of not knowing whether I have done something terribly wrong to a person for him/her to treat me as if he/she doesn't see me or as if I am so invisible that he/she would not even care to notice me.

New Year, New Me?

The new year has come and I must admit that I am kind of excited for what may happen to me for the whole 365 days of 2006. I am looking forward to the new things that I could do. I am looking forward to surprises that may come. I am looking forward to meeting new people and to be eventually be friends with them. And of course I am still hoping to rekindle my ties with my high school best friends that I must admit that I have forgotten or did not miss for the past year.

This new year I am planning to reinvent myself. But I absolutely no idea how to or what kind of reinvention I would do.Honestly, I do not have the habit of even making any sort of new year's resolution. It is because I have the habit of not even following or doing those resolutions. As far as I could remember, the last time I have made resolutions is way back in sixth grade. And I did not even accomplished even a single one of it.

I hope this year will be a blast. And this will be the year that I will soon be in my fourth year in college. That will be my final stage before I step into the real world. As the days will pass by, soon I will be surprised how time flies.

Lost: Best Friend

When my friends and I graduated in high school, we made a promise to stay connected despite the busy schedules being in a college have. A promise to stay best friends forever and see each other once in a while. But now I could say that that promise is nowhere to be seen.

I think it is pretty normal to feel awkward around each other after a couple of months of zero girl bonding. But I think it is another issue to finally know that your best friend had a boyfriend without even telling you, you were dissed for her NEW BEST FRIEND, did not even care to invite you on her birthday and to totally forget your birthday after being together for the whole high school years. I was really down after these things happen. I don't even know our status right now. I have absolutely no idea if everything will ever be the same again.

I think I am jinxed. I seem to be hopeless and unlucky in the friendship department. It is sad to say that I was always being left behind. I tried opening up to her but I just can't. I don't know if I just don't have the guts or it is because I never see her alone and always with her new best friend. It is quite sad that after all those years that my best friend and I were together, she's now so far away from me. It seems like she evolved in this new kind of person. A stranger.

As much as I wanted to bring back all those times, she seems to be not in the mood for that. I think she's kind of bored and done with me. Even after hundreds of text messages, I wouldn't even get a single reply. My ways of reaching out seem to be of no use.

But still I want to fix this once and for all. I want to reach out and talk. And if ever this friendship will just be history, I want to have closure so that I can now move on with a loss.

Girls Night Out

Last night was a hell lot of fun. A surprise birthday celebration for a friend turned out to be a huge girl bonding session. I did not expect that night was a whle lot of fun. It's too bad that we were not complete during that night.

It was fun to see how are plans turned out well. We were pleased to see the smile that came to our friends face after we showed her the surprise that we planned for the past few weeks. You might be wondering what the surprise is alll about so here it is.

We first surprise her with a birthday cake and a home video. And then we went all the way to Eastwood for our ultimate surprise. To kill time we first go sight-seeing and have our pictures taken. And then we went to Jack's Loft to eat out. That is when we gave her the ULTIMATE SURPRISE. Her blind date.

The night went well and we all went home to one of my friends place where we spent the rest of the night eating (again!), laughing and just bond together. It was one of the best girl bonding that I have ever. Much exciting and much better than my high school days. I wish that it will not be the last. I'm looking forward to another night of gimmick and non-stop girl bonding again.

Everybody Seems To Be in Love

My roomate's in love. My best friend's in "like" but I know for sure that she will soon be in love. My cousin's in love too. As for me, I don't think so.

Almost everyday I hear that simple yet so abstract word that is love. Everyone although not reall all seem to be addicted with the thought of being in love. I often hear my cousin telling me how she was so madly in love with her boyfriend. And whenever they would fight, I have the burden of hearing her out until I am too tired with all her whining. Everyday my roomate is telling me everything her suitor is telling her via text and whatever she is feeling about him. And I just found out that my best friend is keeping in touch with this guy from Washington whom she just met and was telling me she's beginning to like him.

I thought that that was all that I could hear. But I think I was wrong. Even in my theory class, love has been a favorite topic to talk abou too!

It may seem that I was kind of bitter with all this talks. I have no idea how love really is. At least of the romantic variety. I have never felt that kind of love. And I must admit that it makes me kind of envious whenever any one I knew tell me stories about loving ang being loved.

People say that you don't go looking for love. Let love find you. I know it is true but I often wonder when will love find me. Surely, finding love will take time but it is a question if when will I find it? How will I know if it really what I really want to find?

I still don't know the answers for these questions. And I guess, as for now, I have just have to wait for it to come.

Aaargh!!!!!!

I just finished taking my Socio 180 exam. And it was total crap!!! I have studied so hard but I thing that was not enough. I'm pretty sure that I really didn't do well in that exam. I think I'm gonna fail in that exam. But I still hope that I don't.

My head is hurting because of that crappy exam. I thought I was gonna cry after I went out of that room. I really don't know what I'm gonna do if ever I fail that exam. Oh, here I am again thinking of all the negative things that may happen. I can't help but to be pessimistic today. After that exam, I can't think clearly that is why I'm releasing all this frustration in this blog.

One down, but I still have three more to go. But as of now, all I want to do is rest and relax before I go to acad mode again.

I can't wait for this exams week to be over. I'm excited of sem break. I'm excited to finally rest and enjoy everything this not-so-kind world has to offer.